New Year, New Perspective

As 2023 came to a close I took some time to read through the year’s journal entries. Mixed between outlines for work related responsibilities, reminders of family obligations, and attempts to make sense out of the roles I play in life, I was struck by the weight of all that happened in those 365 days.

2023 was challenging. For me and my family, certainly - but also it seems 2023 was challenging for a great many people. I wonder if this was the case for you as well… What held you back in 2023? What fueled your anxiety? What made it difficult for you to connect with the people you care about?

The reality is, things have been really hard for a really long time now, and in ways that seem to be difficult to fully articulate. Anxiety is at an all time high as people are afraid about the future. Depression has run rampant as a sense of community seems to be increasingly more challenging to protect. Vicarious trauma lurks behind so many news headlines and social media posts. 

Regardless of where you find yourself on the social/political spectrum, the messaging out there suggests that our world is going to hell in a handbasket: The climate is fucked. Our institutions are failing. The economy is broken. Society is falling apart. And you almost have to pick one polarized extreme or the other on any topic in order to be heard in the discourse we have set up for ourselves. Existential dread and debilitating anxiety has become a daily experience for far too many of us. 

If I level with you, it doesn’t matter how much yoga, vitamin D, healthy eating and deep breathing a person does - it’s impossible to be healthy and whole when we live in a society that is this unwell.

Don’t get me wrong, New Year’s resolutions to take better care of yourself, do less damage to yourself, and move in the direction you desire for your life can be very helpful. But, self care is not enough to address the issues we are truly up against. 

So what is it that we are missing? 

I would suggest the idea of forgiveness. 

Maybe as you step into this New Year it would be worth acknowledging the mistakes and losses that have occurred in your life. Not only what has happened to you, but also the ways that you have contributed to the pain you so deeply carry. 

By acknowledging what has happened (and risking to share it with people we trust), we gain the opportunity to learn from it, to heal through it, and move forward without the burdens of shame and guilt.

I get the desire to simply move forward with new goals and optimistic hope. Facing our deep disappointment and persistent wounds is not for the faint of heart.

But I will offer this: What cannot be let go of will eventually begin to drag us. Thus, there can be no meaningful change without letting go and forgiving ourselves for having hung on too long. 

After some reflection this year and some challenging conversations with the people that love me, I am beginning to recognize my need to let go of the narrative that I am not good enough because of things that happened to me long ago. The chip on my shoulder, carried because of something someone once told me, has long since anchored me to my deepest pain (and most unfortunate coping strategies) in ways that served as a barrier to being the husband and father I strive to be.

So what is it that you are needing to let go of from 2023? What is it that you need forgiveness for from someone else? What might it be that you need to forgive yourself for?

As we embark on this new year, let's make a commitment to embrace forgiveness and let go of the burdens that weigh us down. Reflect on what you need to release from 2023, seek forgiveness where it's due, and extend forgiveness to yourself. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below or reach out to us for support. Remember, you don't have to navigate this journey alone. 

Here's to a year of healing and growth!