An Antidote to Deep Loneliness- The Hidden Path to True Belonging
The holidays often carry a paradoxical weight, a bittersweet cocktail of connection and isolation. As a single man, I find myself drawn into the warmth of family gatherings, surrounded by people who know me intimately and whom I love deeply. Yet, amidst the laughter and shared memories, a familiar ache tugs at my heart.
This past year, I immersed myself in the holiday season with my found family. We baked an ungodly amount of treats, marveled at the magic of the Los Angeles Zoo’s Christmas lights, and indulged in the pure joy of watching my friend’s kids discover Santa’s overnight handiwork. I poured my love into a Christmas dinner so satisfying it left us immobilized afterwards. And still, in the midst of moments that should fill me with belonging, I felt like “the other.”
I’ve tried to describe this feeling to close friends and members of my found family. The metaphor that resonates most is that of the remora. You know, that small fish that clings to sharks, hitchhiking for food and transport. It’s not harmful, not helpful—just there. The remora doesn’t add value, and when it detaches, it might leave an irritating mark, but nothing more. That’s how I sometimes see myself: present, but not essential. Clinging, but never truly integrated.
The problem I am having, and the one that I hear often amongst the men I work with, is that this sense of isolation isn’t actually about a lack of community. It’s about the lack of self-acceptance. The feeling of being alone does not go away because you simply surround yourself with those who love you. With this perspective, I have learned that we can feel alone, even when surrounded by the purest forms of love because the problem lies within our ability to receive and accept love. The antidote to such a problem is genuine and wholehearted self acceptance.
As men, we’re taught to seek validation externally—through achievements, career milestones, and being providers. These external markers of worth, while socially revered, are fundamentally inadequate. They offer fleeting satisfaction but cannot address the deep needs of our hearts nor mend the wounds of our past..
The truth is, in every way, healing begins with radical self-acceptance.
“Well, great, Mick, this sounds like telling an anxious person not to worry!”
Hold on, I am not gonna leave you with just the destination without being your guide along the way!
But here’s the catch: self-acceptance isn’t an endpoint. It’s a practice. And like all practices, its, a journey. To be fully transparent, I am still in the throes of this journey. But that’s all you need… someone who is a few steps ahead of you. Someone who has freshly felt what you are feeling and knows what’s to come.
Good news is, there are also some practical steps toward overcoming such a sense of isolation. Over the coming weeks, I’ll share the tools and practices that have been transformative in my own journey. Specifically, we’ll explore the practices of reflective journaling, gratitude journaling, articulating your needs, and turning towards as antidotes to loneliness.
Ready to feel like you can detach and feel a deep sense of belonging with others because you have found belonging within yourself? If so, I invite you to commit to two simple actions:
Return each week to continue this blog series.
Reach out to me. Let’s move beyond these words and work together to nurture the self-acceptance you deserve.
The path is here. Let’s walk it together.